I haven't been this sober since birth.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
