If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
