the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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