I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
