I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
