My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
