this beer tastes like vomit already
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize