Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
