smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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