dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I touched a dick in church today
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
