And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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