I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
