you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
