so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
