just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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