He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
