What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
