Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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