we have pet lesbian snakes
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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