Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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