So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
