she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
