Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
