Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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