Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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