Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
