my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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