Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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