zippers are such a cool invention
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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