Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
