Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
only you would photoshop your dick
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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