I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
