I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
