Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
