Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
