I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
