Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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