Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize