I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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