She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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