I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
