Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
