I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
