This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize