Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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