Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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