k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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