Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
