NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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