apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
