grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
