In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
