honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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