So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
