just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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