Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
