It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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