is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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