we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
