The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
