Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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