and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
