I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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