Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Say something about gay babies.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
