sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize