You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
