This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
