last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize