She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
