I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
