There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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