Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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