Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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