doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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