I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
